50 More Funny Running Quotes

Humorous Insights From Runners and Celebrities

Female friends laughing together after run in park
Thomas Barwick/Getty Images

"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong

"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz

"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."
Gabrielle Zevin

"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull

"Long distance running is 90 percent mental and the other half is physical."
Rich Hall

"My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already."
Milton Berle

"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong

"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault

"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
Erma Bombeck

"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot

"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams

"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen

"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern

"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood

"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack

"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner

"It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it."
Brooks Johnson

"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James

"If you feel bad at 10 miles, you're in trouble. If you feel bad at 20 miles, you're normal. If you don't feel bad at 26 miles, you're abnormal."
Rob de Castella

"Good things come slow. Especially in distance running."
Bill Dellinger

"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."
Jimmy Fallon

"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar

"Running a marathon felt like I played in a very rough football game with no hitting above the waist."
Alan Page

"It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it."
Brooks Johnson

"It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him."
Mike Royko

"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones

"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen

"If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise."
P.Z. Pearce

"I run so my goals in life will continue to get bigger instead of my belly."
Bill Kirby

"I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty."
Wendy Liebman

"We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
Will Rogers

"I don't believe in jogging. It extending your life, but by about the same amount of time you spend jogging."
Marshall Brickman

"I believe that the good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."
Neil Armstrong

"It's rude to count people as you pass them. Out loud."
From an Adidas ad

"Run. Because zombies will eat the untrained ones first."
From the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide

"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown

"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown

"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown

"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown

"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown

"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one."
Unknown

"I consider my refusal to run today as resistance training."
Unknown

"Run like you stole something."
Unknown

"Your sweat is your fat crying. Keep it up."
From a runner's T-shirt

"Slow runners make fast runners look good. Thank you."
From the back of a T-shirt

"If found on ground, please drag to finish line."
From a runner's T-shirt

"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt

"My other legs are Kenyan."
Seen on a pair of running shorts

"Running makes me feel less like I want to kill people."
From a runner's T-shirt