3 Tips for Dating When You're Overweight

Trying to meet the right person is hard enough. But what if you are also trying to lose weight when you hit the dating scene? If you are overweight, or even if you are not at your ideal weight, you may feel more vulnerable in the singles market. 

Whether you're dating online or trying to meet your match the old-fashioned way, there are a few things to know. Use these tips to feel good, enjoy the experience, and have fun in the process. 

Hugging couple sitting on grass watching sunset
Bambu Productions / Getty Images

How Much Does Weight Matter?

There's no need to obsess about your weight when you're dating. Believe it or not, your date may not even care about your weight. And even if they do care, it probably matters less to them than it does to you.

When a person meets their date for the first time, there many other things that matter more to them than the inches on your belly or your hips. If you feel good about yourself, that will shine through.

If you're worried about how you look, don't worry. It's normal to want to present your best self when you're dating. But there are things you can do to boost your confidence and put your best foot forward.

What to Avoid on a Date

The rules for dating when you're overweight aren't any different from the rules for dating when you're at your goal weight. But there are three things in particular that you should not do if you if you're dating and overweight.

Don’t Diminish Yourself

It doesn’t matter that you aren't at your feel-good weight, because no one is perfect. Be at peace with who you are now. And even if you don't feel that way—fake it.

The process of presenting yourself with confidence begins long before the date ever happens. First, be honest (and proud) about who you are. If you use an online service, post pictures that reflect the body you have right now. Pick shots that emphasize your best features, but don’t show outdated or photoshopped pictures if they don’t reflect your current size. Choose pictures that show you happy and having fun.

Next, prepare for your date with your most confident and sexy self in mind. Choose an outfit that is flattering and makes you feel comfortable in your body. If you enjoy lingerie, consider wearing it under your chosen outfit. "Feeling comfortable in your clothes—and lingerie—is what will always help boost your confidence," says lingerie expert Marie Redding. 

Dress to impress yourself. If you're not wearing clothes that make you feel great, you are not going to feel great—and it will probably show.

Lastly, use posture and body language to boost and exude confidence. Easier said than done? Not really. Believe it or not, the simple act of standing tall makes a huge difference. Researchers have studied good posture and found that it makes a big difference in the way we feel and the way that we are perceived. So put on a smile and a sexy stance when you head out on the town.

Don't Overindulge

No romantic partner is worth giving up your goals. So don't ditch your healthy eating habits just because your date is cute or because you feel pressure to eat the way they do. If your date involves eating at a restaurant, plan ahead and so that you can make choices that honor your priorities. You can also use the 80/20 rule to enjoy your meal without derailing your diet.

In addition, be mindful of your alcohol intake. Your date might not care about your weight, but they probably will care if they have to pick you up off the floor and shovel you into a cab at the end of the evening. Alcohol is also the best way to ruin your diet. So enjoy a drink if you like, but make smarter booze choices to keep your diet—and your date—on track.

Many people on dates drink alcohol to minimize anxiety. Think about that ahead of time and come up with other strategies to reduce anxiety. Have a glass of water in between each alcoholic beverage, which will automatically decrease the amount of alcohol you consume and help you stay hydrated at the same time.

Don't Talk About Your Weight

If your date doesn't care about your weight, they probably also don't care about your diet. So don’t bore your date with the details of your eating plan unless it comes up in normal conversation.

You may also want to avoid uncomfortable discussions about your size. Words like "fat" shouldn't come up on a date—from their mouth or yours. There's no need for you to explain your weight, your plan for changing it, or your health history. If it matters that much to them, it may be a sign that you're with the wrong person.

If you're not finding a mate that makes you feel comfortable, consider a dating site designed specifically for people who are in the process of weight loss or have lost a significant amount of weight. WeightlessDate.com might be the best online dating site for you if weight loss has been or is a big part of your life.

A Word From Verywell

Remember that dating is about finding a good fit—for you and for your partner. If you date when you're overweight or trying to lose weight, that means finding a mate who appreciates you at every stage of the process. Have fun, but honor yourself and your health goals in the dating process.

Was this page helpful?
3 Sources
Verywell Fit uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Briñol P, Petty RE, Wagner B. Body posture effects on self-evaluation: A self-validation approach. Eur J Soc Psychol. 2009;39(6):1053-1064. doi:10.1002/ejsp.607

  2. Hernandez M. 80/20 diet efficacy in regard to physiology and psychosocial factors. J Obes Weight Loss Ther. 2017;7:6. doi: 10.4172/2165-7904.1000357

  3. Kase CA, Piers AD, Schaumberg K, Forman EM, Butryn ML. The relationship of alcohol use to weight loss in the context of behavioral weight loss treatmentAppetite. 2016;99:105–111. doi:10.1016/j.appet.2016.01.014